If You Seek To Win, You Rarely Win

"Why does business always have to be a zero-sum game?"

We've all been conditioned to think this way.

"Business is war!" sits right next to "Nice guys finish last!" in the corporate playbook of tired clichés. But what if we're playing the wrong game entirely?

I recently spoke with Elena, a tech startup founder who transformed a potential legal battle into a million-dollar partnership. "Everyone told me to sue them for patent infringement," she told me. "Instead, we found a way to combine our technologies." Today, their joint venture serves clients neither company could have reached alone.

Then there's Marcus, who admits he lost his biggest client because he approached every negotiation like a battlefield. "I was so focused on winning that I couldn't see we wanted the same thing," he said. He watched a decade-long relationship crumble over a contract dispute that could have been solved through collaboration.

Here's what I've learned from these stories: Creating win-win scenarios isn't about splitting the difference or making compromises. It's about answering one crucial question.

 Are we solving the right problem together?

See, most of us confuse positions with interests.

I did.

In my early consulting days, I'd get stuck on hourly rates and project scope, treating every client negotiation like a tug of war. The breakthrough came when I started asking: "What are we both really trying to achieve here?"

The hard truth?

Sometimes being "tough" in negotiations isn't strength – it's fear wearing a business suit. Fear of being taken advantage of, fear of leaving money on the table, fear of looking weak. And sometimes, being too accommodating isn't collaboration – it's just conflict avoidance dressed up as cooperation.

Want to know if you're on track for a win-win? Look at the conversation. If you're talking about positions – the what, the how much, the when – you're still at the surface. But if you're discussing interests – the why, the long-term goals, the deeper needs – you're on the path to mutual success.

Netflix and Comcast turned a bitter dispute over streaming speeds into a partnership that benefited both companies. Spotify and Samsung transformed potential competition into collaboration. They didn't just split the difference or compromise – they found ways to create more value together than they could apart.

So next time you're facing a negotiation or conflict, stop asking "How do I win this?" Instead, ask yourself:

"What problem could we solve together that we can't solve alone?"

Your instincts already know the answer.

Because in the end, the goal isn't to win every negotiation, nor is it to always compromise. The goal is to be firm about your interests but flexible about how to achieve them.

What shared problems could you solve through collaboration? That's where the real opportunities lie.

P.S. Got a win-win story to share? Hit reply – I'd love to hear how you've turned competition into collaboration.If you would like to connect on a deeper level, feel free to REPLY to this email and I’ll get in touch with you.

Be unstoppable,

Amos - Founder of The16hourclub